MVMT

Once upon a time, I would fall in love at the drop of a hat. Some witty banter, and I was yours. A simple look in my direction, and I was totally floored; my heart would jump into my throat and plummet to my toes and fly back into my ribcage... and I hated it. I hated this crazy feeling that always left me drained and tired. I just wanted to be a robot and not feel anything ever. I would try so hard, and I failed every time.

But, it is with a mixture of pleasure and a nostalgic grief that I realize I am finally what I always wanted to be. Not that I don't feel the movement of the heart; I feel it every time I listen to Explosions in the Sky or M83, but it's been a long time since a physical being moved me in that way, to the point where I'm not sure I'm capable of it anymore. I'm not sure if I even care to ever, except on these cold nights as I walk up Broadway with the Empire State building off in the distance, and even on those nights, I'm OK, because I'm here.